GOOD LORD!

My wife Betty and I have been married for forty-two years. We have a lot in common and I guess that explains our relative harmony. I love her the way one loves an old dog, which isn't to say that my affections are in any way diminished. People are very attached to their dogs.

If only Betty would treat me more like a poodle. At least I'd get stroked every once and a while.

There are, however, a few fundamental things that divide us. 

I'm more the autonomous type. Show me a system and I'll find a way to beat it. Betty, on the other hand, loves to have rules. She works for Guillame Capital, an all-purpose investment consulting firm that has weathered the storms of the recession and has actually managed to grow.

This is in no small measure due to the meticulous and conscientious hard work of my wife. Every day, with knuckles to the ground, she sits in her cubicle and for eight unbroken hours stares into the vacuum of her company issued Dell. What she actually does I couldn't tell you but every time her boss pats her on the head she comes home beaming like a schoolgirl.

Last October she was voted regional employee of the month, something I'm reminded of each time I reach into the refrigerator for a beer because the faded red ribbon and plastic gold medallion have been fastened above the handle ever since.

About ten years ago Betty joined the Grace Church of God Almighty, an over-sized congregation that meets twice a week at the Shrine Auditorium downtown. The place seats four-thousand and unless you get there at least forty-five minutes early, you'd be hard pressed to get a seat. Officiated by the legendary Most Reverend Eddie Tauschen, the weekly services fall somewhere between an auction, a rock concert and an Amway infomercial.

Leni Riefenstahl would have had a field day! 

Smooth-tongued Eddie let's everyone know in no uncertain terms that they are all big bad sinners but heck, Jesus loves 'em anyway.

Betty is butter in his already greasy paws. She loves to have someone do her thinking for her, especially when the thoughts in question are so ennobling.

"You are perfect," Reverend Eddie reminds the flock each week, "because the God of Abraham and his only son Jesus have a special place in their hearts just for you!!"

Of course, Betty is far from perfect and that's why I fell in love with her forty-plus years ago. But I guess as her cheeks sag and her bones begin to ache it must be nice to know that in the eyes of the big guy upstairs "you are like a gentle, celestial mist hovering sweetly over a blessed field of the great and good Lord's daisies."