Ever since retiring I've tried to keep up on all the 'isms' that periodically tickle the noses of our privileged elites. There was Neo-Conservatism which was an ideology where the military was the first option among those who never served. There was Neo-Expressionism which was an art movement where paint brushes were the first option for those who never drew. In literature there was Post-Structuralism which declared the death of the author and after reading a few of the brilliant essays from that time, the author's demise as first option wouldn't have been such a bad idea.
To this I'd like to add an as yet unpublicized though widely recognized tendency that in its tenacious ubiquity could easily qualify as one of the world's major religions.
I am referring to that primordial condition that I call F*ckedupedivism.
F*ckupedivists come from all walks of life and every strata of society. Their belief system revolves around the basic tenet that misery should have lots of company and the more unwilling that company is, the better. These high priests of narcissism perform the sacred rite of drawing all those around them into the vortex of their own personal misery.
Practitioners of dysfunctional propinquity can be a clever bunch. First impressions are notoriously unreliable since many outwardly reasonable people, upon closer contact, reveal themselves as F*ckedupedivists par excellence. These I would call the Marranos of Malcontent, those secret devotées to destructive human relationships who seem okay at first but who prey upon the innocent like heartworms and fleas.
One should be careful around these folks for they can be triggered by both the obvious as well as the innocuous. Money is a common prompt but so is sex, food, children and DVD rentals. Marriages rise and fall at the whim of F*ckedupedivists and the wiser spouse is always disadvantaged by the callow nature of their decency and their unforgivable naïveté. Friendships falter when F*ckedupedivists, insisting on surges of passive personal assault, play their hand too aggressively and fondness quickly dissolves into pity and ultimately into disgust.
The first commandment of F*ckedupedivism is and always will be: Everything is Somebody Else's Fault. The rest flows like household sewage.
My wife Ray and I have the perfect union.
We get along, if not like newlyweds then at least like two affable roommates with bottomless trust funds.
She has cable and a very comfortable couch, I have the Internet and occasionally we meet up on Facebook.
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