STEVE JOBS SAVED MY MARRIAGE

My wife has a rotten character. She's moody, selfish and temperamental. She's so quick to take offense that I usually find it prudent to simply nod in agreement no matter what she says.

She has no friends, or no corporeal friends to be exact since her Facebook page flashes and pings like a cash register on Black Monday. She can't cook, or won't, I forgot which, and she doesn't even eat unless you consider potato chips, gummy bears and chewing gum legitimate victuals.

Since the kids have grown our house has become a clammy mausoleum of stale, apathetic inertia. We haven't 'enjoyed' relations since the resignation of Alberto Gonzales, (I remember the date because we had CNN on at the time) and if my wife gives me so much as a peck on the cheek I nervously wonder if it signals the early advent of dementia.

And yet we remain together and our relationship is thriving in the robust, almost scintillating atmosphere of total détente.

Just a few short years ago the stew of silent resentment could be brought to a boil with the slightest provocation. The mere sight of my spouse was enough to remind me of the utter waste and futility of my life. And though resentments remain constant and while they continue to ferment into a particularly rancid stout, they are nonetheless muffled by the deluge of technological mediators. The fusillade of lap-top-hand-held doohickies are the thumb in our collective mouths and they keep the peace and quash contentiousness like an arbitrator with a fist full of Ativan.

Thank you Steve Jobs for your reasonably priced, well-designed and easy-to-use gadgets that help keep my romance alive.

Divorce can be so expensive.