I had a dream last night where I found myself in a very embarrassing situation.
We all have variations of the mortifying dream - sometimes it's a little bit terrifying.
Not this one.
I was in a small bathroom where a very attractive middle aged woman was getting dressed. I inadvertently brushed up against her as she was coaxing her ample breasts into a bright pink brassiere.
My embarrassment quickly gave way to exhilaration and then I suddenly woke up.
For most of us, sleep is so much more exciting than real life.
Come to think of it, I can't remember summoning my imagination in any significant way other than while dreaming.
I worked in an office my whole life and when management controls the vast majority of your time you find yourself thinking just like everyone else. There's a sense of powerlessness at work because you are so divorced from your personal life. You find that you lose agency and initiative because someone has done the thinking for you. This sense of numbing obedience is exacerbated by the carrot and stick approach to promotions, raises and performance reviews. After a few years at the office I realized that my old behaviors - the curious, funny, slightly awkward wiseguy - were no longer available to me. I felt strangely comforted by this suppression so I never really thought it was an issue. Work was a closed system with its own logic and its own rules so the life of my true mind could only be stimulated by sleep.
I'm retired now but I'm afraid it's too late. Try as I might I can't shake the basic conventions of linear thinking. I even attended an adult education course on creative writing but my prose never much elevated beyond the efficient polish of a status report.
I find that on a typical day I anticipate going to bed with such impatience that when I actually do get under the covers I toss and turn for what seems like hours until I finally succeed in quieting my mind and am able to drift off.
But I'm rarely disappointed.
All I can say is that if sleep is this good, then death must be simply amazing!
